Growing up within a small African community allowed me to ground myself in my roots. However, doing so in a predominantly white community like Albury/Wodonga (my first home in Australia), I hardly welcomed those traditions that were taught to me.
I was somewhat ashamed to be black. I despised my body because I was thicker than the average girl in my class. As cheesy as it may sound, I yearned to have silky hair, just to comb my fingers through when speaking to my (white) crush. My family were always received with strange looks and made to feel like we were inconveniencing those around us when we spoke in our native tongue in public.
I didn’t see anyone else who looked like my family, spoke like us or dressed like us in the media, so I thought being black was something I should never aspire to be. I do believe that the lack of representation drew my self-esteem into the ground.
I was inspired by African-American female artists because I saw a version of myself in them. Although I hardly saw my kinky hair, my dark complexion or my slightly chubby features in the likes of power women such as Alicia Keys and Beyoncé, I did see black women owning their rights to be sexy, desirable and world dominators. I saw beauty like no other, strength like no other.
Ebube Uba Source: Alex Wisser
One of the main messages in Playlist [a theatre production exploring the relationship between feminism and pop culture] and something I now recognise, is how music has shaped who I am today. In the past, a lot of the music made by people of colour (particularly black artists) either made me feel like I had to dress a certain way, act a certain way or fit into these generalised Black-American mannerisms in order to be seen as authentically ‘black’. I was made to feel as if my then-introverted, soft-spoken, awkward and sheltered personality had no value at all.
We talk about over 90 women in music in Playlist, drawing on the concept of a music playlist, so there’s a lot for all audiences to relate to. Naturally, I do have many songs that empower me, most of which span across different genres, from neo-soul to gospel to rap and r’n’b. If I had to choose just five songs, I would choose:
Sabrina Claudio – Confidently Lost
Sampa The Great – Black Girl Magik
Solange – Cranes in the Sky
Aretha Franklin – Respect
Beyoncé – Flawless
I will admit that I’m not the biggest fan of Beyoncé (unheard of to some, I’m sure), however, I do love everything she stands for. If I could recommend anything else to listen to when you’re feeling like you need to be empowered, just listen to her albums, ‘Beyoncé’ and ‘Lemonade’.
I saw Solange perform live this year and it was an incredible experience. I have a monologue in Playlist about her song, Cranes in the Sky. ‘They are words I have thought, words that I have lived without having to explain myself, without having to confide in anyone. I connect. The album will be my anthem for years to come. And it’s an album we need today.’
That’s what music has done for me.
Ebube Uba is an Australia-Nigerian actor and dancer performing in Playlist at PYT Fairfield from August 2 to 11.
