How Darren is dealing with the grief of losing his soulmate

Darren and Jo were primary school playmates, then high school sweethearts, before creating a family together. Now Jo is gone, Darren feels like he's "falling with no safety net".

Now Jo is gone, Darren says he sometimes panics. Source: Supplied

There are many things in the world I’m unsure about, but I've never doubted that Jo was my soulmate.

At 14 she became my first love. We endured the passion and ferocity of a Shakespearean tragedy. I could never get enough of her.

But our story started way before that.

We were born on the same day in the same hospital in the small Western Australian town of Manjimup.

Soulmates Darren and Jo Gittos were born on the same day in the same hospital — eight hours apart. Source: Supplied

Jo arrived eight hours before me, and she never let me forget that I stole her birthday. I told her I simply improved what was already a good day.

Our families left Manjimup but Jo and I found each other again in primary school, in a completely different town almost 1,500 kilometres further north.

Jo was kind enough, even then, to invite me to her sixth birthday party.

Darren and Jo Gittos went to primary school together in Newman, Western Australia, around 1,500km away from Manjimup, the small town where they were both born — on the same day. Source: Supplied / Jennifer Luu

Again, our families went their separate ways, until I arrived as the new kid in a Bunbury high school at the age of 14.

I was quickly drawn to a pretty girl in class. It was Jo. Again!

When we talked, we realised who each other were, and we fell in love.

Relationships at this age rarely last, and ours faded too. We stayed friends, though I always wanted more.

Darren and Jo Gittos fell in love in high school, but "relationships at this age rarely last, and ours faded too", Darren says. Source: Supplied

But things changed again when Jo arrived at my 18th birthday party.

We spent a beautiful night together and Jo later said that as I held her in my arms, she felt the safest she had ever felt in her life.

Despite that night, the universe knew we weren't yet ready to be together, and our lives drifted apart again.

We both found ourselves alone — Jo with two young children and I in a mining town, back in the Kalgoorlie.

One night, Jo had a dream about me. She wrote a quick note and posted it to the only name close to mine in the phone book, which happened to belong to my grandfather, who forwarded it to me in Kalgoorlie.

It read, “Dear Darren, howdy. Had a dream about you and wondered what you were doing. Love, Joanne.”

And that was that.

After a lifetime of feeling we were meant to be, we enjoyed a loving marriage of 23 years and had three more children.

Darren and Jo Gittos were happily married for over two decades and raised five children together. Source: Supplied

Our love was more than just our marriage, more than the coincidences that made our story unique, and more than completing each other’s sentences.

Jo created a warm, loving and safe home for us and our children.

She was the sun that we all orbited around. Grounded, funny, gentle, passionate, talented and kind.

But on 29 April 2022, that sun lost its shine and fell from the sky.

Jo passed at home surrounded by love. Her five children, two grandchildren, her mum and me. We touched her, held her hands and told her how much we loved her as we watched our light fade away.

Darren Gittos says his life is "forever shattered" since he lost his wife Jo. Source: Supplied

'Forever shattered'

These days, people don’t know what to say, and often I don’t know what I’m feeling.

I live in a swirl of emotions that drag me like a rip in many directions at once. I always feel they could drag me under completely.

I sometimes panic and feel like I’m falling — with no safety net.

In the early days, people dropped off food and messaged relentlessly. But after a few days the food stopped and a few months later, the messages did too.

People were genuine in their love and support but their lives continue largely unchanged.

Mine is forever shattered.

People talk to you in cliches and try to understand

I avoided going to the supermarket and felt envy seeing couples. That used to be us.

We did everything together. We went to bed at the same time every night. Our safe place was in each other's arms and that kind of physical affection was important to us both.

After work Jo would often say, “Come lay down and cuddle and tell me about your day”. Her eyes would radiate warmth and love so I knew my heart was always safe.

I miss that feeling and hope to one day feel it again.

My days now are full with calls and messages from our five children, my day job and my weekend hobby, which ironically, is DJ-ing weddings.

Darren and Jo Gittos' five children and two grandchildren in front of Jo's memorial tree. Source: Supplied

Time races by and I complain about not having enough of it, yet other days drag for an eternity.

I cry daily and find myself replaying every detail of our life together, what I miss most. I struggle to sleep as my mind races with all the things I have to do … without Jo.

Jo gave me a drive and belief in myself and was my greatest supporter. I often turn to speak to her before the loss hits me all over again.

Every morning for months I reached over to feel Jo and pull her close for our morning cuddles. Greeting the cold side of the bed left me starting the days with tears and questions of “why?”

People talk to you in cliches and try to understand, but this journey is incomprehensible to anyone who hasn't endured it. Thankfully I have some good people around me who know this road too.

I feel a burning need now to tell people to hold their loved ones close, cherish the time and tell them you love them … SHOW them you love them. To be truly loved and seen is the most beautiful feeling I think I’ve ever felt.

The last thing I said to Jo was, “I found you in this lifetime and I’ll find you in the next one my darling.”

So, the way I see it, Jo wasn’t just the love of this lifetime … She's the love of my every lifetime.